Things change daily. I never know what to expect from one day to the next. Makes it impossible to plan anything.

I picked up Michelle yesterday and brought her home. We got home around 9pm last night. I also found out that Barry is leaving on Monday now. I have told work that I’ll be taking Monday off to help him load up to leave. He has a lot of heavy things, including our old 32-inch TV, which he is taking home with him. He apparently has to get back in time to deal with court issues.

After that, Michelle and I are on our own. On one hand, it is good. On the other, it will be very difficult, as I have to go to work and cannot be there for her, especially if she has complications. I just pray that Michelle will do what is necessary and there will be no complications. Continuing one day at a time.

Michelle just called me. The current plan is for her to be released from the hospital tomorrow. Her leakage has pretty much stopped, which is a good thing. Unfortunately, they still don’t have an answer to what is wrong and what is causing the issue.

I drove to work today with Barry, my father-in-law. I told him this morning that there was a possibility of her being released today, and he ranted that they cannot release her until they find out what is wrong. Like the solution is that simple. Michelle called me after calling her father, and she told me he ranted at her about being released too soon. I know that, when I pick him up after work, he will be ranting to me again about it. I am not looking forward to it. I’ll let him rant, like I did this morning, but I won’t respond. As much as I would love for them to find a solution that will fix her, I know that is most likely not going to happen.

“If anything can go wrong, it will,” Capt. Edward A. Murphy, USAF, 1949.

I would ask “what more could go wrong” but I think Murphy has already jinxed me enough.

I had my first counseling session yesterday. It went well. It is going to be weekly, only the next session won’t be until August 9. Apparently, I caught him just before he left on a two-week vacation. Oh well, I’ve dealt with this stuff for six years, what’s another two weeks?

Barry, my father-in-law, is staying. This is a mixed blessing. I am very thankful that he is here to help Michelle recover, but he has his life he needs to get back to as well. He has been with us almost a year now.

Michelle is still in San Francisco. She said she was bleeding and had a bad allergic reaction to medications. They don’t know what the problem with the tube was yet, thinking it was a blockage. They are going to do more tests. Don’t know how long she’ll be there. I wouldn’t expect longer than the weekend, but with Michelle, you never know.

I’m tired. I’m worn out. I just keep moving, one foot in front of the other, waiting to emerge from this storm.

I don’t know when this is all going to end. For all I know it may never end. Michelle started having issues with major leakage from her feeding tube again yesterday. She and her father went to the local ER to try to get it taken care of. They spent all afternoon there. Somewhere around 2 or 3 this morning, Michelle and her father drove up to San Francisco, because the leaking got worse. She has now been re-admitted to the hospital. There is even a question of whether or not her father will leave as planned tomorrow. I just want this to be over. I want her to be stable enough so we can enjoy life. I know she won’t be “perfect” but we should be able to get through even the simple, small things.

On July 30, 2009, my father-in-law arrived to help take care of Michelle.

On July 20, 2010, my father-in-law is heading back home.

Michelle isn’t in the hospital, which is good. She is, still dealing with major medical issues, though. She has been going to the hospital frequently, and has had a number of hospital visits during his stay. She has a feeding tube that needs to be re-bandaged twice a day, and I can only do it once a day during the week due to my schedule. What do we do if she gets sick? What do we do if she has to go to San Francisco again?

I am taking Tuesday off from work to help him load his rental vehicle. He has a couple heavy items that will take two people to lift. I really appreciate all the help he has given us while he was here. Yes, I am glad he is leaving too, because he is not an easy person to live with, but at the same time, I am sorry he is leaving, because he was such a help. Michelle and I love him, and we hope he has a safe trip back. We also pray that she has no further complications and can continue recovering quickly.

Ok. I finally had enough. I’m so tired of everything. I have been lacking desire to do much of anything, and losing myself in escapism. It has been adversely affecting every area of my life. I know I need to do something before I completely lose it. I know and trust that God has been carrying me through, but this cross has been a heavy load.

I found a counseling center near my office, the only one within walking distance. As I take the bus to and from work, and am not home during the week, I needed to find something near my work that took my insurance. This place is a non-profit counseling center, and when I explained my situation, they gave me a rate that was almost the rate of my co-pay. I will start going there next week during my lunch break. Between that, and the prayers and support of my Christian brothers and sisters, I know that the Lord will strengthen me again.